It's Not Worth It
by Black.Bellatrix7
Summary: What happened after the Hospital wing scene in HPB. Follows some of the original story line. Told from both Tonks and Remus POV. HP does not belong to me. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Takes place after and during the hospital scene in Half-Blood Prince. I wrote the story twice from both Remus's POV and Tonks' POV, so I give you both.

**********************************

Tonks's POV

**I watched in absolute envy. It wasn't fair. But I daren't interrupt, so all I do is stand in utter envy. **

"**You thought I would not weesh to marry him?" Fleur yelled, "Or perhaps you hoped? What do I care…"**

**I didn't catch the rest. I was to busy thinking of what to do. I could just run from the room, but that would just be too easy. Not to mention it probably wouldn't solve a single bloody thing. Or I could take the situation to my advantage. I felt myself getting angry. Angry at Fleur for having what I want. Angry at Remus for being an idiot. Angry at Greyback for causing this whole dilemma. Just so angry. **

**All of a sudden, I didn't care that everyone was watching.**

"**You see!" I said straining every syllable, glaring up at Remus. Stupid, Stupid Remus.**

"**She still wants to marry him even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"**

"**It's different," He mumbled so quietly it was barely audible, and averting his gaze from mine "Bill will not be a full werewolf, the cases are completely-"**

_**STOP BEING AN IDIOT!!!!**_** I seized the front of his robes, and shook as hard as I could, "But I don't care either, I don't care! I've told you a million times…"**

"**And I've told you a million times," Remus said, still avoiding my gaze, "that I am too old for you, too poor……to dangerous…"**

**Molly, Arthur, and Minerva all came to my aid, but it didn't matter anymore. I'm just going to have to live the rest of my life in misery. It's not exactly what I had planned but it will have to do.**

**After Harry and McGonagall left, no one said anything, though all knew they were staring at one thing. Me. The tension in the room rose to an abnormal level. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, so I dare not blink in fear of them all spilling out. I let in a large breath, and held it. I shut my mouth so hard my lips turned white. I could feel my self slipping. If I didn't leave now I'd have a nervous breakdown (heck, I'd still have a nervous breakdown, just no in front of everybody).**

**I turned on my heel as swiftly as I could and began to sprint from the room, a arm over my eyes to hide the tears.**

**I ran, and ran, and ran, up staircase after staircase, hall after hall. I just ran. Until I reached the tallest tower in the magnificent castle, the astronomy tower. A three foot railing surrounded the floor which did not have a real wall. **

**Without thinking I slowly walked over to the barrier. I took one leg and put it over the railing and stood on the other side, my foot only about four inches on the floor, the rest hanging over the edge. My hands gripped the top pole harder. I repeated my move with the other leg. Now the only thing that was holding me up were my hands gripping the pole.**

**The wind pushed me back telling me not to do it. I relaxed and fell forward. My body was at a forty five degree angle, my arms straight, still holding me up. I closed my eyes. My hair whipped around my face. Over two-hundred feet above the ground, just barely hanging on, and all my worries seem to float away. **

**The wind blew harder, trying to push me back. But I wasn't going to take orders from anyone. Hadn't the world ruined my life enough already? I should at least have the chance to leave if I want to.**

**I took a breath, and began to loosen my fingers. I was hardly hanging on with the last joint in my fingers.**

_**I love you Remus.**_

**And I let go. **

**Then a door opened, a voice yelled my name, and a hand tried desperately to grab mine. But I fell right through.**

_**He followed me.**_

_**But why?**_

_**Not like it matters any more.**_

_**It's all over, and I still love you.**_

**The wind whipped around me as I fell. When I hit the ground there was only a seconds worth of pain, and then……………….**

**Nothing.**

********************************

A/N: Do you like? Chapter two will be from Remus's point of view. Should she live or should she die. I need your help people. Please review

7

(\__/)

( O.o ) -I call him bunny

( )


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: YAY!!!! SECOND CHAPTER! But I still need help on weather she should live or die. I have an idea but I'll tell you later.**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter? Mine? Really? No. Not really.**

**************************************

**Remus's POV**

I watched out of the corner of my eye as a cloak swiftly whipped by my side. The small breeze it created made me shiver. The footsteps, her footsteps, became quicker until she had sprinted, crying, out of the hospital wing.

I felt as though a rope had squeezed itself around my heart. I hated pushing her away. Couldn't she see that this wasn't just hurting her.

I finally gathered up the courage to look up from my feet. Everyone was staring (or glaring) at one thing. Me. They were all giving me the same look which clearly said _'You idiot, what'd you do that for?'_

Everyone was silent for a few moments. Then Molly broke the silence by clearing her throat.

"Remus, may I speak to you for a minute?" She asked kindly, although I could detect the quiver in her voice.

_Oh great,_ I thought, _Here it comes._

I nodded, reluctantly, and slowly followed her out of the room.

"What is it you want?" I ask.

"It's about Tonks." She replied.

_Why was I not surprised?_ "Molly, I've tried to tell you-"

She cut me off with a swift movement of her hand.

"This is something I thought you might like to know, but mostly I want to warn you."

I felt my heartbeat speed up immensely. I took a deep breath to calm myself, and waited for her to continue.

Molly paused, "Oh how do I explain this?" she whispered more to her self. There was another pause.

"Yes?" I asked anxiously"

"Well…you see…there is no really nice, comforting way to say this, but Tonks….she… more than once," She continued to stutter out inaudible words until the next thing I knew she was crying her eyes out.

I patted her comfortingly, "What is it Molly? Spit it out."

She looked up at me, "Oh Remus, it's horrible, she tried to kill herself… and over and over and over again. We were all lucky enough to walk in on her or see the signs before it happened and been there…but this time…….well lately she's been more careful…and… Oh god, I don't know where she went," she continued to mumble out sobbed phrases, but I was no longer listening.

My world had frozen.

I was speechless.

She hadn't……had she?

She couldn't have. Not Tonks.

An image flashed through my head. Tonks, Sirius, and I sitting in the living room of Grimmuald Place on New years. Her hair was pink and she and Sirius were laughing at me about something stupid I had done in my Hogwarts years.

She had been so happy.

So bright…

So different.

What happened?

_Don't be stupid,_ I told myself, _its you that happened._

But this just wasn't right. Not my Dora, she would never.

I slowly pushed Molly off my shoulder.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

I didn't respond. I was already running as fast as I could down the corridor. I picked a flight of stairs praying that it was the right way. I ran as fast as I could up the spiral staircase. I wished my legs would carry me faster. I tried to speed up but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't run any faster.

_Damn! Faster Lupin, Faster!!!_

I slammed the door open to the top of the tower.

"Nymphadora!" I yelled.

It only took me a few seconds to realize that I had arrived at the wrong tower.

_SHIT!!_

I began to run down the stairs, when I got to the bottom it hit me.

_You damn idiot!!!!_

"Homicolo revelo (A/N: I don't have a book for reference)."

A silvery path formed and led up to the…Oh no, the astronomy tower.

I picked up speed again, my heart beating viciously in my ribcage. It seemed to take hours to get up the stairs. I could feel the tears stinging in the corner of my eyes. I tried harder and harder to reach the top.

When I finally reached the balcony, my heart stopped. She was positioned on the wrong side of the railing, her body at a very dangerous angle.

I ran out "Nymphadora!"

But she had already let go.

I ran to the other side, my heart remained frozen.

I extended my hand and tried to grab her. I caught.

_Thank God._

But then my world shattered.

Her arm slid delicately through my hand.

And all I could do was watch. Watch as her body fell closer and closer to the ground. Watch as her pained expression became calm. Watch as all the life fell out off her as she hit the bottom of the courtyard.

Watch as blood seeped out from behind her.

And then it took every ounce of will in me not to jump off and join her.

************************************

**A/N: So what do you think. So do you want to hear my great idea. Yes, I know you do. What if the next chapter was also in Remus's POV (YAY REMUS) and everyone thought she was dead so that we all get to see his reaction, but she actually lives. Or should she die. C'mon peoples I NEED IDEAS!!!! **

**Thanks for reading and please review (I'm not going to update if I don't have ideas) and if you review I offer you a Remus to mourn over you when you die.**

**7 O.o**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay so I finally decided to get of my lazy butt and type the third chapter. Also I've found it very hard to write this story because I'm not sure if I want her to live or not. PLEASE R + R!!**

**************************************

**Remus's POV**

I fell to my knees, my hands trembling. I cautiously glanced towards the ground beneath the deck. I could feel my heart speed up, my eyes start to water.

There lay Tonks. The surrounding grass and her cloths were heavily stained with a dark red. Wet blood glinted in the rising sun as it overflowed from her gaping mouth. Her eyes were partially closed, but the little of her eyes I could see, were gazing at nothing but the sky. Her limbs were bent in very strange angles. It was to horrible to look at.

I pulled my eyes away and shut them tightly. _This isn't happening. I am lust having a dream this IS NOT happening!_ I tried to reassure myself that it will all be okay. Just as I thought as it was helping, and image of Nymphadora entered my mind. Her empty eyes, the blood seeping out from between her lips, her whole body stained crimson. It made me want to vomit.

And I did. It tasted of nothing but stomach acid, because I hadn't eaten it a while.

I heard a loud scream from the building next to me. A young Ravenclaw girl had popped her head out of her window only to be greeted by a dead Auror. Her window shut, and I could see her leaving her room.

So I waited in silence, my mind straying to nothing but Tonks.

_It's your fault you idiot. It would only have taken three words, but you just couldn't bring yourself to say it._

_**Of course I couldn't say it, I'm far too old - **_

_Don't be a Bastard, you know that age doesn't matter._

_**I'm too poor -**_

_You git, you know that never mattered._

_**And what about being a werewolf, do you have a bloody excuse for that?**_

_Now your just being stupid. In case you haven't noticed, I think she would look a lot better with a chance at getting lycanthropy than she does now. _

_**But - **_

_AT Least she'd be breathing._

Remus could feel the tears welling up again. He had this fight with himself before, but he always stopped at the lycanthropy. Not any more.

_If you had five more minuets, what would you do? _He asked himself.

_**I'd tell her everything.**_

Then the realization hit me. I had been with her five minuets ago. Only five minuets ago. I could have said it all, and none of this would have happened. Said the truth, that I loved her with all my heart. But no.

I looked down just in time to see Arthur Weasley running over to Tonks body. _I expected Molly._

The second I thought that, Molly came through the door to the deck where I was.

"Remus," She gasped, obviously running all the way up here, "Merlin above, what happened."

"I tried, Molly, really I did. It's just - "I choked, "It's just I went up the wrong tower at first, and so I got here late. When I got here, she had already let go. I tries to grab hre, I really did. I just couldn't." Silent ears fell down my cheeks.

"I know you tried, but there was nothing you could have -"

"YES THERE IS!!" I yelled, all of a sudden getting very angry, "I COULD HAVE TOLD HER I LOVED HER, BUT I COULDN'T!!"

Molly frowned, but I knew that she was trying not to smile.

"What?" I asked.

"You just said what the whole world wanted you to," she paused, "Bad timing though."

This did not help. I sniffed. I hadn't cried in years. Not even when my best friend was killed.

I gazed back to the spot where Tonks was, but nothing was there except for a pool of blood.

**************************************

I trudged slowly into the hospital wing for the second time in the past hour. Only an hour ago, I had been fighting with Tonks, wishing she would leave. Now I would give anything to have her back.

I looked into the room. Neville and Bill were clearly visible, but there was something else. A white curtain fell over a cot. Tonks.

I walked over and unzipped the side nearest me and slinked in.

I held my breath and my heart stopped. Not because of Tonks, for she was covered by a black sheet from head to toe, but the two figures sobbing next to her.

They both looked up at me and I let out my breath. _Merlin, I thought Tonks's mother was Bellatrix Lestrange. _

"Sorry," I whispered, "I thought -"

"Don't worry," The woman said nicely, "I get that a lot."

I nodded not knowing what to say to the parents of someone you had just virtually killed.

I made to leave but was stopped. "No, you don't have to leave," Her father said, "Andromeda probably needs some air, don't you sweetie?" Andromeda nodded and they both shuffled out of the curtained area.

I turned back to Tonks. I held my breath. I found her hand under the sheets and grasped it tightly. Then with a swift movement I pulled back the sheet.

It was worse than I had thought it was.

**************************************

**A/N: Soooo? What do ya'll think? Nearly died trying to write this chapter. Heres my bribe. If you review, you get to hold hands with a Harry Potter Character of your choice. PLEASE REVIEW^^**

**-Love ya'll**

**Black Bellatrix 7**


End file.
